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These customized exercises—geared for both tops and bottoms—can dramatically improve your sexual performance and leave you slaying in the sheets
May 30, 2016 :: 9:30 AM
As men, we’re usually doing one of two things: having sex or thinking about it. As a result, sex is a great fitness motivator. Every drop of sweat from your run, every really deep squat and every guttural groan during a bench press is driven by a sincere effort to sculpt your body into one that gets you laid.
I truly believe the best aspect of fitness is health, but I’ll also acknowledge that men are horny as hell. It’s a primal need, and I’m not mad at you; you need to get yours. But let’s take exercise beyond a headless torso pic on Scruff to lure the guys over. Let’s get to the next level, with moves that will keep the guys coming back and begging for more.
These customized exercises—geared for both tops and bottoms—can dramatically improve your sexual performance and leave you slaying in the sheets. If you’re versatile, you could become a downright local legend.
FOR THE TOPS
I’m calling out to the few and the proud tops in Los Angeles. With all your options, you’ve got to resist tiring out! A power top is an athlete, and he uses all he has to deliver a powerful performance. Here’s a breakdown of your key movements and the exercises that will ignite them.
Thrusting: Kettlebell Swings
A good top is known for his powerful thrust, and a kettlebell swing mimics just that. It’s driven almost entirely from a thrusting motion, beginning with a weighted force from behind and delivering a quick and powerful movement through the hips. The thrust and swing deliver a 1-2-3 punch over and over and over. Sound familiar?
(As a warning, beginner kettlebell users should be supervised by a trainer or use a light weight to start.) You’ll want to stand over the kettlebell with your feet hip-width apart, chest up, shoulders back and down. The bell should be in line with the middle of your feet. Squatting down, grip the kettlebell with your palms facing you and your thumbs wrapped loosely around the handle.
Stand tall, still gripping the bell. Keep your arms long and loose while retracting your shoulder blades and engaging your core. Soften the knees, shift your body weight into your heels and lower your rear end back and down toward the wall behind you. Driving through your heel, explode through the hips to send the weight swinging upward from your quads as you squeeze your ass. As the kettlebell lowers between your legs, shift your weight back into your heels while hinging at the hips and loading both your hamstrings and glutes. 15 reps, 3 sets
Strength and Stability: Cobra Push-Up
It may not seem like a lot, but tops have to hold their own. Meaning they literally hold a mini-push-up for minutes on end while they do their work. Strong arms and stable shoulders help tops to keep great form without straining their lower back. A Cobra Push-Up simulates that position by being face down in a push-up without the use of your legs. Its arms-only emphasis dramatically develops your upper body strength.
Lie face down with your hands directly next to your chest. Keeping your legs and torso to the floor, rotate your elbows in, pushing your biceps out to the front as you press your arms up to full extension. 15 reps, 3 sets
Stamina: Mountain Climbers
Perhaps the thing those poor tops need the most is stamina. The combination of explosive, repetitive and stabilizing movements can be exhausting! Without the proper endurance built up, the top’s heart rate may climax before he climaxes. Avoid blowing a fuse by doing these Mountain Climbers. It’s one of the best exercises for increasing cardiovascular endurance.
Get into a push-up position. Lift one foot off the floor and bring your knee to your chest. Return to starting position and repeat with the opposite leg. Rotate in a fluid, brisk and non-stop motion for 30 seconds. 3 sets
FOR THE BOTTOMS
Roll call to all bottoms. Let the masses in L.A. stand at attention. With a drought of true tops, you must fight for your crown. A valedictorian bottom is not lazy but far from it. He stands out by artfully mastering a few challenging movements that command an unforgettable experience. Here’s a breakdown of key movements and the exercises that will absolutely humble your top.
Flexibility: Standing Leg Swings
An expert bottom is very mobile and can be tossed around with ease and comfort. But when your top is fighting your tight hamstrings, it can kill the moment. Show him how pliable you are by doing a series of Standing Leg Swings before you get nailed. This dynamic stretch is intended to release the hamstrings without over-stretching them.
Stand with your legs at shoulder-width. Place one hand onto a pole or other secure object, placing the other on your hip. Carefully kick up one leg to hip-height. Let the leg fall below your hip and kick back up. Repeat briskly. 15 reps on each leg
The Squat: Pulses
A great bottom doesn’t only know how to drop it low but how to move while he’s there. It’s a static position that can be quite demanding after a while. With Squat Pulses, you will learn how to not only withstand but totally kill it.
Start by standing with your feet hip-width apart and your arms stretched out in front. Perform a squat, holding it at the bottom as you pulse a few inches up and down. 15 squats, 3 pulses each
Stability: Plank to Push-Up
Often a bottom has to hold himself in a position while an opposing force has his way with him. If you lack core stability and upper body strength, you’re not going to last. Plank to Push-Ups are the perfect way to help you stabilize while using only your upper body to resist gravitational force.
Start in a push-up position. Keeping your legs straight and your hips level, come down to your forearms. Press your body up to your hands and do a push-up. Repeat. 12 reps, 2 sets